Senseless Marketing Speak

Ever visit a website and completely fail to understand what the company actually does? Or perhaps looked at someone's profile and thought "Hmmmm creative e-enablement strategies and new paradigm digital collaborative solutions provider. Gee - I don't know what one of those is but I feel certain it's just what I need right now."



Believe it or not I came a cross an Ecademist profile today for a life coach that described himself as a "Situational Leadership Guru". Not only is that patently a load of crap, but doesn't it strike you as just ever so slightly immodest. Do you think his wife knows he's a Guru?



When did we dissapear so far up our own 'faecal supply chain repositories' that we forgot to tell potential customers, or the just plain inquisitive what it is we actually do all day? I spend so much of my working life picking apart vacuous marketing speak that I have little time left to do anything else.



I think there's a valid business model here for an anti-marketing consultancy (if that's not more jargon) for corporates who've had their web presence and marketing literature completely loused up by creative copyrighter types. I could charge billions to put together the next generation of blue chip sites that cut to the chase and actually informed clients.



e.g. a website for a lifecoach would be thus:



Who am I?

A really nice guy .....at home in my underpants who once spent a year in Goa smoking dope



What do I do?

I charge you to talk to me.



What are the benefits?

You're supposed to become enlightened...or something



How does it work?

It's a lot like seeing a shrink - but without the stigma or any of the qualifications.