Please enter your 16 digit alphanumeric account number....

Ever been asked by the invariably Scottish or Welsh customer services operator for your excessively long account number before they'll let you pay your phone bill?

None of us like being treated like a number but to be referred to as a 16 digit alpha numeric number is both laughable and insulting. There a few things that incite me to ear-bleeding rage, and this is one of them.

Here's my BT account number: ND5527 1315 MO14 IN
You're welcome to it!

When I call BT and try to pay my bill they tell me that they can't accept payment without this critical piece of information. "Funny" I say "...but I just haven't found time to memorize it yet and I'm in the car right now". "Well I'm afraid you'll have to call back later when you DO have it" is their response.
"What are you worried about?" I say "Are you concerned that I might wilfully and maliciously try to pay somebody else's bill for them?"

My telephone number is a unique number - if it weren't it would be useless. Why can't they use my telephone number as my account number? How many possible variations can there be of a 16 digit alpha numeric number? It should be several hundred billion. That's a LOT of customers.

My gas and water bills are the same. 12 and 19 digits long respectively
My bank account is just 9 digits long. That's still enough permutations for every inhabitant of earth to be a Lloyds TSB customer. Coincidence? Combine it with my sort code and my eyes start to glaze over at the infinite possibilities.....

Sure - flame me and tell me I'm being unreasonable and that there are valid reasons for them to use 16 digit numbers, that it's to do with checksum digits, legacy software, process and security .

Bottom line is this - I don't care what a company calls me internally. But I go incandescant with rage when they forget their manners sufficiently to address me directly by anything other than Mr Lack. If they have a problem verifying which Mr Lack then ask me my postcode or a suitable security question.

I've really reached breaking point on this one - there are just too many numbers in my life. It's a lonely world out there and sometimes I just need the girl in the call centre to reach out to me a bit and say my name.

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